Hello, strangers.
I've recently moved and have been going through some boxes with lots of old "stuff" in them. I've found old cell phones, letters from friends, old pictures, and what's left of my old diaries. The memories have begun flooding in, and I'm feeling a bit nostalgic.
Just the other day I came across a small piece of torn light blue paper that read, "You know what your problem is? You always do what you're supposed to do, not what you want to do." This little beat up scrap of paper is from a diary that was destroyed long ago (about 5.5 years to be exact). It chronicled my relationship with my ex-boyfriend, who although he was a jerk at times, was always bluntly honest with me. That little scrap of paper from that long gone journal is something that he said to me about 7-8 years ago. It obviously struck a cord with me at that time, then almost 6 years later when I destroyed then rest of the diary, and then now. It's a simple piece of paper that I can't seem to get rid of. And just to be clear, it's not because HE was the one who said it. I'm not trying to hold on to anything about him. It's just this message. I can't put it out of my mind.
You see, my whole life, it's been true. I've always made decisions based on what was best.. and by what was best, I mean what would be the most socially appropriate decision to make. I never wanted to disappoint anyone. I was a good girl... but to the extreme. I did what I was told, when I was told, and how I was told to do it. I often sacrificed my own wants and desires in order to do what would be considered the right thing to do in so many other people's eyes.
Now, at this point in my life, I'm a 25 year old women. I want to get away from this good girl persona, but it's impossible to shake. It's not like I want to break the law, or do something scandalous. I just want to be able to make decisions that I feel are right and not worry if other people think it's the right decision. I want to take the path that is best for me.
So, I think I'll this little torn scrap of paper, stick it in my purse, and take it out every once in a while to remind myself to be true to myself. <3
