L.O.V.E.

Hello, strangers.

I used to think I knew what love was. I think I've mentioned this before. I thought it was that butterflies-in-your-stomach, completely giddy, head-over-heels feeling I got when I saw the person I thought I "loved." Turns out, those feelings were actually due to oxytocin... It was a completely biological/chemical response... Now, while this particular hormone is important to build particular parts of relationships, it doesn't equal love.

What I've realized from my adult relationship (5.5 yrs and going strong!) is that love is about more than just those early butterflies. It's more than just feeling head-over-heels. Those things are important in the early relationship, but what comes next is even better! Love is about a commitment to another person. It's about compromising on things you never thought you'd compromise on because you love that other person so much that you're willing to do that. It's about building an identity with that person while still maintaining your own identity (which isn't always easy to do!). It's about learning to communicate with that other person. It's about trusting that other person enough to let them have a piece of you. It's about so much more than those early "falling in love feelings." Don't get me wrong. I love the feeling of falling in love. But there comes a point in our lives that we have to realize that love is more than that. My relationship isn't always as exciting as it was in the beginning. My life is pretty predictable. Some may think that's boring, but it's the way I believe relationships evolve. When they become more serious, there isn't a need for constant excitement. I mean, I love when we do get to do fun things together, but I also love our low-key nights and enjoy them just as much.

Anyway, I guess what inspired this blog is that lately I've seen a lot of relationships crash and burn (friends, celebrities, etc.). I think that people forget that relationships take WORK! Sure, they are easy at first.. both people are on their best behavior... but when it gets hard, it seems that a lot of people would rather bail out than to actually try to make it work. I don't understand it. I think that being able to build a relationship with someone is an amazing process. There are ups and there are downs, but the downs are what make the ups SO much more enjoyable!

So, strangers, I guess what I'm trying to say is that when things get tough, don't automatically give up. Your relationship will be stronger for it. :)

P.S. The holiday season is upon us, so I may go MIA for a while. I have a 2.5-3 week vacation planned in mid-December until early January, so I probably won't be posting much. But I hope everyone has a very happy holiday season! :D

Do what you can :)

Hello, strangers.

As I mentioned in a much earlier post, one of the things that gives my life meaning in helping others. I've been a little MIA lately because I'm currently planning a campus-wide drive to collect blankets, coats, hats, and gloves from students at my university to help the homeless in Austin (Texas) through this winter. & I'm currently planning it alone. I don't mind. I'm actually enjoying it. It's a lot of work, but I think it's totally worth it. I've just had little time to post here...

Anyway, things were put into perspective for me the other day. I woke up at 7 am in order to go to campus (I live 30 min. away from where my school is) to get paperwork signed and turned in for the drive. It was chilly out (and in my house), so I made sure to wear a sweater, heavy jeans, and a coat. I walked outside, and there was ice on my windshield (rare for Texas). My heater didn't get hot right away, so my teeth jittered as I pulled out of my driveway. I wore flats that day (without socks), so my feet were cold the entire drive. Parking on campus sucks, so I had to park at the stadium and walk to my building, which took about 15 minutes. I felt teeth-jittering cold the entire walk. Then it clicked. Here I was, dressed appropriately for the weather, cold the entire morning.. in my house, in my car, and on my walk to campus. I began to really feel how important this drive is. The homeless people in Austin had to be miserable that day.. they don't always have proper clothes for this type of weather, and many of them sleep outside, exposed to the elements. I can't imagine being able to sleep being THAT cold. It sort of broke my heart a little... or a lot, actually...

I believe, that as fellow human beings, we have the responsibility to help each other in any way we can. I know that not everyone is passionate about helping the homeless like I am... but maybe you want to help children.. or individuals with a certain illness.. or some other population. If you haven't already done it, I hope you will. Often times people ask me, "What can I do? I'm only one person. It won't make a difference." And you know what I tell them? I tell them, "You do what you CAN. That's all you can do. What may seem like a small thing to you can make a huge impact on someone else's life." So, to anyone who is reading this blog, I really hope that you go out and do what you can. :)

Parents

Hello, strangers.

I guess I lied in my last post. School got busy, and my birthday was this past weekend, so I was unable to come here.

Anyway, I've had a topic in mind that I've wanted to talk about for a while: parents.

I'm sure some of you just cringed by the very sight of that word. I apologize.

Growing up, my parents were quite opposite. My mom decided that she would take the best friend approach. She basically let my twin sister and I do whatever our little hearts fancied. Luckily, we were good kids, so we never did anything really scandalous or illegal. I can see how this approach could be dangerous, like I-could've-been-addicted-to-meth-at-a-very-young-age dangerous. Thankfully, that's not my story. My dad, on the other hand, was a little stricter... not as strict as some of my friends' parents, but he definitely had more rules that my mom (It's kind of easy to beat 0, right?!). However, for my sister and me, he provided the boundaries that structured individuals like us needed.

So, as you can imagine, my relationships with my parents were quite interesting. However, looking back as an adult (currently at the same age as my mom was when she gave birth to my sister and me), I've realized that they did the best they could with the tools they had. There's no book on parenting (well, actually, there are tons of books on parenting, but not just one big book that tells you exactly what to do in every single situation and insures that the result will be a happy, healthy child and a stress-free parent). For my parents, my mom tried to do opposite of what her strict parents did (so she went to the other extreme), and my dad tried to do exactly what his parents did since I guess he thought they did a good job raising him and his siblings. While, I don't necessarily agree with everything my parents did (and as a teenager, I was often mad by their decisions), I most certainly appreciate everything that they've done for me. Without them, I wouldn't be the person I am today.

So, when I see "kids" complaining about how horrible their parents are, I really just want to tell them to wait it out. When they grow up, they will most likely understand why their parents didn't want them going to a party without an adult there to supervise. Their parents were doing the best they could to protect them. Parenting is a hard job--you don't want your kids to hate you, but you also don't want them to end up dead or in a bad situation that you allowed to happen...

So, moral of the story: Go hug your parents and tell them how much you appreciate what they've done for you. They were doing the best they knew how. :)

I'm still here :)

Hello, strangers.

I've been a bit absent lately. I've had quite a few blog ideas, but sometimes life gets in the way. Between grad school, work, my friend visiting from out of state, and one of my best friend's wedding, I've had little time for much else. I'll try to write sometime later this week. :) I've missed reading your blogs as well!!!

I do have some exciting news though (at least, it's exciting to me!). My 25th birthday is on Saturday, and I'm going to a murder mystery dinner! I'm hoping it will be a lot of fun. I've always wanted to go to one of these!!! :) So, I'm really excited!!!

Anyway, I have to eat breakfast, make coffee, & pack my lunch AND dinner all in the next 30 minutes, so I better get going... Hope to be back later this week to catch up on your blogs and post something new here. :)

Identity Confirmed.

Hello, strangers.

A few blog posts ago, I wrote (A LOT!) about figuring out my identity (and what that meant to me) based on the archetypes present in my life. Well, this past Wednesday, on the way home from class (coincidentally the one we discuss archetypes in), my dominant archetype made an appearance.

You see, I carpool with a classmate who is about 20 years older than me (in her 40s). We were driving home from class, and she randomly read a sign for a business in one of those sketchy strip mall type establishments. Since we are in Texas, the sign was in Spanish. She knows Spanish and read it outloud in Spanish. Since I don't know a lick of Spanish, I had to ask her what it said. This is our exact conversation:

Me: What does that mean?
Classmate: Pretty Girls.
Me: Oh, so it must be some sort of salon or something, right?
Classmate: Um, no... it's more like a... (pause as she takes into account my goody-2-shoesness.. lol) gentleman's club...
Me: Oh... well, it could be the name of a salon...
Classmate: HAHA! (She literally giggled for a few seconds.) There's your Innocent coming out...

So, this normal, everyday, seemingly not important conversation turned out to be something quite meaningful (to me at least). It confirmed to me something that I had read about myself in a book. I just never really noticed before, but now since I'm aware of my dominant archetype, I'm extremely sensitive to every little piece of it that seeps out of me. So, strangers, this unimportant-turned-important conversation confirmed my identity. I am quite clearly the Innocent. :)

Thunderstorms

A friend recently posted this image on her facebook page. It's a thunderstorm over Miami, Florida. I thought, "Wow.." After all, it's a really interesting and beautiful photograph. Then I commented on how different it looks when we're in a (real) thunderstorm rather than looking at it from a distance. It's just so mind-boggling different.

For some reason, this made me think about life and the daily "thunderstorms" we encounter. When we're in the middle of it all, we get drenched by the rain and have to deal with with the flashes and booming of lightning and thunder. However, for other people, looking at it from the outside, they can see it but they can't really experience what you're experiencing at that very moment. It's simply a difference in perspectives. We can never truly understand (we can try..) what someone else is going through because we're simply on the outside looking in. Funny how nature has a way of giving us life lessons when we're not even looking for them. :)

Mistakes are lessons learned.

Hello, strangers.

When I was 17, I tried to understand something that I was just incapable of understanding: love.

I gave my heart to a man (yes, a 24 year old man...) who wasn't really a man at all. He was more interested in playing games with my heart than actually keeping it safe like I thought he would.

Silly me... I was a little too green and perhaps much too blind to realize what was really going on. I hung onto every word he said and believed every little lie because I thought I knew what love was, and this was love. Ha! Boy, was I wrong. I quickly (if you think 2 years is quick) learned that what he was doing wasn't love at all.

However, looking back on this experience, I am not angry.. nor am I bitter. In fact, I am thankful (yes, I said thankful!) that I experienced this so early on in my love life. I quickly (again, this under the assumption that we all believe 2 years is quick ;)) realized what it is I wanted and didn't want, deserved and didn't deserve, and what I should and shouldn't put up with in a relationship.

So, although this wasn't the best time of my life, nor is the hurt something I would ever want to experience again, I am thankful for it... because some mistakes are worth experiencing. Lesson learned.